Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Success! We fucked roommates!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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