I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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