Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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