She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize