Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
