Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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