i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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