If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
did you just send me my own nude
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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