I want to stick my p in your. b.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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