Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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