We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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