i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
