I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
