wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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