Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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