Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
