Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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