when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
