It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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