i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
