Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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