Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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