I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
