Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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