you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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