My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
