Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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