So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
