Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
