Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
