I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm too high and old for this...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
