what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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