We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
