So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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