You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
