If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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