Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
