Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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