did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
