i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
