onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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