we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
