We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
