just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
