i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
