Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
