Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
