Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
