OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
