Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
