She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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