I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you inspire me to be a worse person
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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