my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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