hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
