you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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