i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
worst night to have a conscience
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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