this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Randomize
