billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
