Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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