i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
