Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
