Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
