Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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