Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize