where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
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She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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