went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize