I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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