I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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