I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
