yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
