Having a random hookup so left but love u
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
