We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
