I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
