what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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