So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
